Uncategorized 9:04 pm
When you’re on your own,
I’ll send you a sign,
Just so you know.
Tremendously do NOT want to work on my research papers.
I actually. Want. To. Study.
GRAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Love actually, is all around.
Drew is driven by his appetite. Literally. Are men not like that?
Everyone knows, I’m in over my head. Over my head.
My happiness that co-exists with my sadness, fear and knowledge of transience.
Uncategorized 9:52 pm
Am stuck somewhere, with forces pulling me back, yet with a drive that is pushing me forward. Back and forth. Up and down.
Before we even realise it, it will all be over. Such is life. Time is nothing.
This year is passing by too quickly for anyone to remember. Soon enough, we’ll be somewhere else. Everything will change, yet things will remain the same. Certain things are permanent. Indelible. Enduring. I hope you are.
I just want simple fare. A meal. Some laughs. I don’t need to fly, because it takes all the effort we can muster to stay anchored to the ground.
These few years have been in constant flux. I really don’t know what you want.
I hope life will be better for you. But I hope more that you will treat yourself better. Because change begins with the person in the mirror, as I loosely quote Michael Jackson. I wish you would realise your actions have an impact on people, in ways you don’t even become aware of.
Knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door.
Uncategorized 11:55 am
“Our ideas are like our troops we send out to fight for us… Sometimes, they die for us but we survive.”
- Karl Popper.
We survive!
Grr. Friday friday friday!!!!
Uncategorized 3:45 pm
I haven’t studied since last Tuesday. Oh my God.
Granted, I’ve been doing my research papers. But neither have I been entirely productive. In fact, I have as much productivity as a state-owned Chinese enterprise. GAH. I’m half-panicking. Like there’s something in my head that will keep screaming at me. But I’m half-okay with it, really. Calm, almost. I wonder how that is possible. And now all that I’ve been studying over the holidays have gone hiding somewhere. I’m so out of touch with my knowledge.
Hm. I cannot wait for Saturday, though. For various reasons, but mainly one. (: (: I now know what it is like to wait too long for a day to come, and for it to be over too soon. It’s kind of like our youth. I’ve waited too long for A’levels to come as well. But now it’s about a hundred days away. Wow. We are about to begin a new phase of our lives.
And it’s also very poignant.
Hm. Overdependency is one of the scariest things in the world. It’s too dangerous to just use another’s happiness as a yardstick for your own. We must learn to derive and retain joy from the many wonderful things in life and in the world. There are too many things for us to learn, for us to see and for us to be. We have to diversify. Happiness diversification?
Ooh. Feel like reading and updating my music. (: I am in need of Catharsis, perhaps.
Lala-land. (:
I won’t go, I won’t sleep, I can’t breathe, until you’re resting here with me.
I won’t leave, I can’t hide, I cannot be, until you’re resting here with me.
This song always reminds me of Love Actually.
“My Dearest Allie. I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah”
“I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”
If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.
Uncategorized 4:06 pm
This year’s love had better last
Heaven knows it’s high time
And I’ve been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can’t go on
Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain’t this life so sweet
This year’s love had better last
This year’s love had better last
So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don’t you know this life goes on
And won’t you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain’t this life so sweet
Is the value of a relationship inherent in the time and conversations enjoyed or the possibility of a future less wrecked by life?
Strange.
Uncategorized 11:05 am
Across the universe.
What is your goal in life?
Aren’t you tired of that?
We’re just a bunch of doddery fools gasping to catch our breaths and scrambling to collect all the meaning in the world. So what if we fail or succeed? Everything is within parameters we set for ourselves. If we fail, it’s because we deem ourselves to fail. How do we live with a pursuit we know which significance is given by ourselves? Yet we go on. I wish we could stop and just watch.
Balance, I guess.
Uncategorized 9:08 pm
Decided I really like the feeling of being productive. It’s probably gotta do with self-worth. But liking the feeling of being productive doesn’t necessarily translate into motivation. There could be so many things that drive us.
I’m sometimes very tired of the very things I want in life. I want to stop wanting. I want to just sit. Sometimes this is because of how acutely aware I am of the fact that nothing really matters. Meaning in life is artificially constructed. I’m sometimes tired of the definition of success I have carved for myself. Even if it makes the most sense to me. Sometimes I want to be someone else.
Sigh.
Inertia.
Uncategorized 9:22 pm
But that’s no concern, when we’re wounded together.
Critical thinking! Critical thinking! Critical thinking! Exclamation marks! Which can suggest excitement. Or sound alarm bells in your head.
You’re strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy.
Based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I’ve been reading,
Your style is quite selective,
And your mind is rather reckless.
But I guess this just suggests that this is just what happiness is.
And what a beautiful mess this is.
There’s no shame in being crazy. I guess some level of happiness comes with a streak of madness. Cos I’ve never felt madder, and I’ve never felt more sane. It’s like everything is clear. Falling into place. No one knows where we’re going, but that doesn’t matter.
We’ll fly like birds, not of this earth.
I have a little domesticated wolf in my house. He’s secretly scary and unfriendly. But sometimes I just want to be like him cos all he needs to worry about is the next time he gets to play / eat / sleep / sleep / sleep.
Uncategorized 10:10 am
There is something beautiful in that space between us. In the knowledge that we are all fighting together for the same goal, against the same resistance. And I know people don’t get that beauty, or the importance of it. But all that are outside the circumference are to be pitied.
There was a strange finality to everything yesterday. Especially the night. I felt so many things as it hit me slowly that this was to be the last netball match of my life. My last season. And while I have only been a netballer for four years, I am always proud to be part of VJNetball. Because no other team is like this. And the love and strength that we have gained will outlast the bitter memories of loss and lamentations of unfair circumstances.
Oh well. Life has been good, generally. Most of it because laughter comes so easily. I hope things remain that way.
A fire burns
Water comes
You cool me down
When I’m cold inside
You are warm and bright
You know you are so good for me
With your child’s eyes
You are more than you seem
You see into space
I see in your face
The places you’ve been
The things you have learnt
They sit with you so beautifully
You know you are so good for me. (: (:
I can’t believe we didn’t realise this earlier. There are things so good that happen to you in life that all you can do is look back and wonder how you ever lived without them. And it is not that certain people are indispensable in our lives. Because no one is. But sometimes, certain people make it just that bit better. And that, really, is all we need in the world. And all we can ask for.
Most of all, it’s built to last.
Uncategorized 11:26 am
If I could be king even for a day
I’d take you as my queen
I’d have it no other way
And our love will rule in this kingdom we have made
The capacity to do work has not come easily lately. My logic is that a trip overseas is usually accompanied by buffer time before school reopens but reality hit me straight away, coupled with a number of essays and research papers. I insisted on resting last week though, feeling exceptionally tired. Though I cannot say it was because of jet lag, because it really was not. But ah well. I guess all I want to do now is travel around the world and walk around in other amazing European cities. And eat.
I did miss netball though, over at Madrid. Which is amazing cos it was only for a week. What will I do after season is over! What I feel about netball is often so conflicting. But I guess it all boils down to how I want to enjoy myself with the people I love. I do not feel at the peak of my fitness though. Which is like. Hmm.
You’ve got me wondering why I’m stopping the love getting in.
